WE HAVE MOVED...

This personal development blog has been moved to talkswithty.co.uk 

Personal development posts can be found by scrolling down the page and selecting the 'personal development' category from the right sidebar, under 'CONTENT' on talkswithty.co.uk 

Our three most popular posts;

1) 5 GOOD REASONS YOU SHOULD STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE NOW.

2) HOW TO BREAK THE HABIT OF COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS

and 

3)  HOW TO LET GO OF RESENTMENT AND FORGIVE WHEN IT'S HARD

have been moved to talkswithty.co.uk 

Talks With TY is a Fashion & Lifestyle blog, including discussion based pieces.

SHAKE OFF YOUR WORRIES IN 6 SIMPLE STEPS

"Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere" 

We all get worried sometimes. It's completely normal, but more often than not a waste of time. Why? Because 90% of what we worry about doesn't even happen and let's face it worrying doesn't actually change a thing, it only steals your happiness. Nevertheless, we still worry anyway. 
The BIG problems occur when it happens too often - this is because it can drain our energy leading us to become unproductive, it can effect the way we deal with others and is proven to have a major impact on our stress levels and consequently, our health. 
Worry tends to be a result of fear. Fear of failing, making mistakes or experiencing some sort of rejection. Although it is an emotion considered common amongst all people, it's important to learn how to shake it off, pronto. Here's a few helpful ideas to get you started:

1) WHO CARES?!

One of the main reasons we worry is because we stop to think about what others might think about us. Learn to say "So what, who cares? I know what I'm doing is right and that's what counts!" After all, you only get one chance at life, is it really worth allowing others to make it less enjoyable for you? Plus, people's opinions change all the time, give it time. Remember when that person said they hated the colour yellow and now they've just bought a yellow jacket? Okay- so maybe that's not the best example but the point is people's minds always change, so what they think now may not matter later on. 

2) DON'T FOCUS ON THE PROBLEM

Another factor that leads to worry is that we tend to focus on the problem and forget that we need to find a solution. You will be surprised to find just how fast you can find a solution when you learn to recognise problems once , then change your thoughts to focusing on finding a solution rather than going over any problems again and again. 

3) Organise & prioritise

The root of most of our worries stem from lack of preparation for a situation. Learn to organise your days, to-do lists can be helpful as long as you don't create them with unrealistic expectations. It's common to give ourselves so many tasks to do in a day because we want or need to get them all done. However, overloading yourself can have the opposite effect, causing you too feel overwhelmed with tasks and therefore completing nothing or very little just because the thought of running behind brings you stress. You can stop this form of self-sabotage by setting your priorities straight, maybe write a list of all the things you need or want to do and at the beginning of  each day asking yourself, "If I could only get three things done today, what would I like them to be? What's top priority." 

4) Get support

Sometimes having someone either simply listen or share advice can help you find a solution to whatever it is you're worrying about. So next time you find yourself worrying about something, why not talk to a friend? 

5) Change your perspective 

Something that is really great to do is to try and see your situation from another perspective. For instance if it was a friend in the situation you're in, what advice might you give them? We tend to be really good at giving others advice and not so good at helping ourselves out. Viewing a situation as an observer rather than someone who is part of the situation at hand, can inspire a clear solution.

6) Write about it. 

Writing is a great way to gain perspective. Often when someone writes down their thoughts, a solution becomes apparent during the process. When your thoughts are in front of you they can often appear less stressful. 

"Worry is a misuse of imagination."

Love and light 

xo 

9 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORK

It could be that your relationship doesn’t feel quite the way it used to, or you may just be looking to maintain the good place your relationship is currently in, either way you are in the right place; these tips offer key ingredients that make a relationship work. A healthy relationship needs the time and effort of two committed people. If you want a good relationship you have to put the work in, every good relationship is worth it.

1) KEEP ARGUMENTS SOCIAL MEDIA FREE:

With social media being as popular as it is,  it can be SO easy to vent online when you are in a bad mood and feeling a whole bunch of angry and resentful thoughts towards your partner - it isn’t uncommon to see people’s business spread all over Facebook, Twitter etc. Sure it might momentarily make you feel better to let all those feelings out and even receive support from peers, but the problem with this is that by sharing your business online you are involving others and inviting them to share their opinions on the negative part of your relationship. This means that on the likelihood that you and your partner manage to solve the conflict, others may still hold a grudge toward your partner, or continue to share their views which could possibly make it harder for you and your partner to move on from it. I always see people writing updates like 'Why can't everyone stay out of my business. A relationship is between two people' blah, blah, blah - the bottom line is they only know your business if you share it. You don't want people getting involved? Don't involve them - simple.

Next time you feel like venting why not write it down in a word document that you can later delete, or take a moment to yourself to just breathe, calm down and then talk it out with your partner, the mature way.

Picture from http://www.flinthosts.co.uk/media/images/blog/AntiSocial-Media.png

“Cheating and lying aren't struggles, they're reasons to break up.” - Patti Callahan

2) BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER:

Without honesty, trust quickly disappears. And without trust it is very hard to stay in a progressive relationship. Jealousy, suspicion and resentment are all toxic emotions that can be formed from staying in a relationship with someone you cannot trust. A quote I like regarding trust and relationships is:
"A relationship without trust is like a car without gas - you can stay in it all you want but it isn't going anywhere."
Be honest about your needs, your feelings and anything your partner may ask you about. Remember, you don’t have to be cruel to be honest, there are nice ways to say things. Be straight, but be polite.

“The liar's punishment is, not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.”
― George Bernard-Shaw

If you are constantly lying, it can be hard to believe that others around you are telling the truth, which can lead to paranoia in your relationship.

“Things come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies.”
― Dorothy Allison

3) HAVE FUN: 

Fun you say? Yes, of course you are meant to have fun in your relationship, it’s not suppose to be draining, repetitive or boring. Being playful keeps the bond growing! Make each other smile, watch a bit of comedy, go for walks, go to festivals together, on holiday, to studio tours, a gig - whatever it is you two like to do, it can be something you used to do a lot or something completely new.

Another quick tip whilst we are talking about all things fun - work... try not to have this as one of your relationship's main topic's of discussion- it's nice to briefly share work goss, but then relax, have fun, separate yourself from it - always working and always talking about work is known to be a stress causing factor in relationships. You should love your work, but love your relationship too. Make time for no work just fun. 

Colour festival avec my boyfriend.

Be weird, Be silly - Just have fun.

 "Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”

 4) POSITIVITY:

A positive attitude goes a long way. You have complete control over your behaviours and can choose to focus on the good side of things, bringing positivity into your relationship is one of the best things you can do. Of course, no-one expects you to be a bright ball of sunshine all the time, but sharing positive lessons, thoughts and solutions can be a relationship enhancer. Being positive will not only improve your relationships, but also your life.- Two birds with one stone.

5) COMMUNICATION:

One big thing that can be the cause of conflict in a relationship is miscommunication or the lack of it. Truth be told, your partner is not a mind reader so you have to let them know what you are thinking and feeling. If they do something that irritates you don’t just let it pass, as it will just build up. Of course it wouldn't be wise to shout at them and go about the situation in a accusing way, but rather, kindly let them know how something has made you feel, "I know you don't do it to annoy me, but I can't help but feel a little annoyed when you don't clean up after yourself. Please may you make an effort to do so? I'd really appreciate it" sounds a lot better than "Oh my gosh, you always leave a mess whatever you are doing, I am not your skivvy, clean up after yourself before I use your face to do so."

Good communication is also being able to share all the aspects of your life without feeling judged, that includes the emotional, mental & physical.

6)ACCEPT YOUR PARTNER:

Nobody is perfect. A phrase you’ve probably heard 1000 times. If when you first got together with your partner he was a video-game lover or she took hours to get ready, don’t expect that to change as soon as it becomes irritating to you. Within reason , it’s important to except your partners hobbies, traits and characteristics, allow them to be themselves (as long as it isn't a harm to themselves or you). Acceptance enhances relationships.


7) PUT YOURSELF FIRST:

Those who spend time bettering themselves tend to have happier relationships than those who are constantly putting others needs before their own. Of course, I am not suggesting to not care for/help others but your happiness is the greatest gift you can give others, when you are in a happier, more loving state of mind you have more to offer to others.
From working on yourself, which may include working on stopping your bad habits like; waking up late, biting your nails or smoking, you will be improving yourself, which can have a direct improvement on your relationship.
It’s also important to have time to yourself as well as time with your partner, the right balance is essential.


8)LET THEM KNOW THEY ARE HEARD:

Acknowledge each other-  it’s important to start acknowledging ‘ordinary’ moments in your relationship, if your partner wants advice on how to finish a piece of work, or simply wants to share with you something they found on the web, take time to listen. The little things really do matter, showing interest in your partner's interest makes them more likely to want to do the same.
Acknowledgement includes expressing gratitude when they do something helpful or cute, it’s important to let your partner know you appreciate their efforts and are supportive of them.

9) SHOW APPRECIATION:

After a while of being in a relationship, it can be easy to slip into a state of comfort which sees the effort you put into the relationship slowly decreasing- you are no longer doing all the things that you did in the beginning to keep your relationship alive and prospering. Just because you have been with someone a while, it doesn’t mean you should stop showing appreciation for them. Many relationships begin to fail because one or both partners feel under-appreciated. You don’t necessarily have to shower your partner with gifts but one or two a month can be a nice gesture to show appreciation. It can even be something you make, like a romantic meal, cakes, scarf, photo frame- whatever. You could make it your aim to surprise your partner monthly. Be there when your partner needs it, when you can tell they’ve had a hard day why not give them a  massage or offer to cook or get takeaway in?
Watch your own actions & insure that what you are saying and doing is not harmful to the relationship. Let the other person know they are loved, you could compliment your partner every day, it doesn't have to be something incredibly cheesy can be something like ‘I really love that top on you’ …

Remember:“Relationships that work are the ones  that are worked on.” 

Love and light
xo

FOCUS ON YOU

Focus on yourself & the path you are on and allow all others to do the same.

I love this picture quote. It's so easy to believe that other people are doing things 'the wrong way' when they are tackling things a different way to you or doing something that you feel serves them no good. But just because you are accustomed to doing things a certain way it doesn't mean any other way is wrong. Not everyone takes the same path to success - there are many roads that lead there.
It seems to be human nature to stick our noses into other peoples business and judge the path they are on, we are all too quick to criticise others as opposed  to complimenting and supporting them, if you must turn your focus to anothers path why not use that moment to offer them encouragement?
But remember this: "your time is limited, don't waste it living someone else's life"
You can earn back any money you lose, you can buy new clothes when your old ones have seen better days, but one thing you cannot get back is time - so spend yours wisely. 

For tips on ways to focus on yourself, check out this blog post I came across:
http://blog.aiesec.org/13-ways-focus-2014/

Happiness is the greatest gift you can give to anyone so be selfish enough to seek joy.


Love and light
xo

5 TIPS TO HELP MAKE YOUR LIFE MORE INTERESTING

“Good things come to those who wait… greater things come to those who get off their ass and do anything to make it happen.”

You don't have to do something wildly dramatic to lead a more interesting life, small and simple changes can have a long-lasting result. Does your daily schedule seem monotone and repetitive? Are you bored of being bored? If so, it's time to shake up your routine a bit and try something different, here are 5 tips to help you on your way:

1. Get out of the house! - This is a fairly obvious suggestion that tends to get overlooked, it's time to turn off the TV or computer/laptop/Ipad, Kindle, Phone - whatever it is that is taking up all your time inside the house- and do something. This could be taking a walk, Googling free or cheap events in your area and attending them, visiting a local gallery or museum or even just finding a quiet spot at the library. Make an extra effort to get out the house, because once you are out the possibilities are endless.
2. Learn something new! - Try your hand at something new, sometimes that's all it takes to liven up your day. Why not take up a new hobby or learn a new skill? You could learn a new language, both DuoLingo and the BBC Bitesize website offer free language learning activities and worksheets to help you on your way! Another option could be to channel your inner musician by learning a new instrument such as the guitar or piano. Take up a new online course, practice a few magic tricks or grab a pencil and paper and learn how to sketch; whatever you are interested in there's bound to be a variety of options available for you.
3. Meet new people!: Meeting new people can open new doors leading to excitement and adventure. Others may introduce you to new hobbies, interests and activities and give you the chance to make new friends along the way- different people have interesting stories and it can be nice to hear them and share some of your own!.
4. Make something interesting!:  Why not try crafting something and see if you're any good or just do it for the fun of it?! Pinterest can be used to quickly search for simple projects and thousands of results come up when you look up ideas using a search engine such as Bing or Google.
5. Travel to new places!:  A guaranteed gateway to meeting new faces, observing different cultures, discovering entertainment, trying out new tastes etc. You don't necessary have to go abroad to venture somewhere new, there's the option of roadtrips to different towns, or heading to the train station and jumping on a train to the cheapest new destination and seeing what happens. Although traveling somewhere new can seem frightening at first it can be refreshing and liberating, especially if you've been stuck in same place for a while. It's hard to stay bored when you are constantly letting new people and surroundings into your life.

If it's necessary schedule excitement into your daily routine, make having fun a priority, take it as seriously as your other commitments.  Just changing up your routine a little or trying something completely different can make all the difference, after-all variety expands our experiences and helps us lead a more fulfilling life.


Love and light
xo

Twitter: tyisha_rochelle

TAKING OPPORTUNITIES

All the fun starts outside of your comfort zone.

In our everyday lives it's common to get caught up in a list of things we SHOULD do, which tends to be about a mile long. This can cause us to put off the things we really WANT to do like travel, skydive, perform live, write a book etc. because we tell ourselves we have many other things we have to get done, like a new project at work or school, walking the dog, cooking , the washing , but how about saying YES the next time an opportunity arises? The washing isn't going anywhere.

Here are some quotes I like about opportunity from quotegarden.com :

Jumping at several small opportunities may get us there more quickly than waiting for one big one to come along. ~Hugh Allen

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds. ~Francis Bacon, Essays, 1625

Grasp your opportunities, no matter how poor your health; nothing is worse for your health than boredom. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Love and light

xo 

HOW TO BREAK THE HABIT OF COMPARING YOURSELF WITH OTHERS

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel."

If you always want what others have you'll never have enough.

Why do we compare ourselves to others? Well, simply put, the ego wants to be number one. However, the problem with comparison is we tend to compare our weaknesses against another's strengths or we compare ourselves to someone who has more expertise or experience in a certain area. This can leave us in a never-ending spiral of self destruction and unhappiness. We feel inferior because we feel like we should be entitled to have or to be able to do, all the things we admire/envy in others.  Even if we do well in the comparison we make with another, it's a short-lived boost of ego which is easily knocked down. Comparison is a losing game, but luckily, we get to make the rules. Here's some tips on how you can break this habit that doesn't serve you any good.

Breaking the habit of comparison...

Learn from a rivals positive points:

So, after hearing or seeing someone do something well you think you lack in some thing? Transform the jealousy into admiration and use this as motivation toward self improvement. It's easier to criticise people than compliment them, don't fall into this habit. Instead of trying to find a flaw in what they are doing in order to make you feel better about your own shortcomings, why not change those thoughts into that of inspiration ( I.e "If they can do it, so can I. Time to start working towards what I want!") You could even ask someone to teach you the skill they are good at, if that's not an option there's plenty of resources available to learn yourself in the form of Youtube videos, blogs etc.

Awareness:
Be aware of when you're slipping into comparison-mode, often we're so used to doing it that we don't even realise that we've slipped into it again. Be on a lookout for these thoughts, and when they creep up, pause, acknowledge the thought and gently change focus, "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

Don't knock others down:
Sometimes we criticise others to try make ourselves feel better, this is just destructive and can form enemies where you could of formed a friend. It does you good to support others in their success, as a result they are more willing to help you and more interested in seeing what you can do. Remember, nobody has to lose for somebody to win. "It doesn't build you up to tear others down."

Be a better YOU:
Instead of comparing and competing with others you can always compare and compete with yourself.

 "Those who compete with others become bitter, those who compete with themselves become better."

You are the only person in the world you have the power to change and improve. So why not redirect the comparison? Ask yourself some questions: 

What are you doing now that you couldn't or didn't do a year ago?
What steps out of your comfort zone have you taken?
How further towards your goal/s are you now compared to 5 years ago?
How have you improved?
What negative behaviour/habits have you finally managed to stop engaging in?
Recently, what have you done that you thought you could never do?

Basically, how have you continued to become a better version of yourself?

This may work better instead of trying to stop comparing altogether, as that can be tricky to grasp hold of instantly due to the fact that the mind likes to figure out where we fit into the scheme of things.

Focus on your strengths:
Don't brag but feel good about them and work on using them to your advantage. Everyone has something they are good at, even if it's not the thing they most desire. Appreciate them, be grateful for them.

"Don't compare your chapter 1 with someone else's chapter 20."

Take note, that we only see the part of others they choose to share with us, they too have their own shortcomings and insecurities, there will be somebody they don't feel they measure up to when comparing themselves to another too. Don't be fooled into thinking their life is perfect, we are all fighting different battles. It's hard to judge a situation well that you are not a part of, so try to focus of the one thing you are in control of - yourself.


Love and light
xo.